loyal , compassionate , determined

Female , 58

I am in my 50s and the mother of 4 adult children. I have worked as a secretary and also run my own retail business. I returned to higher education some years ago and gained a BA and an MA. My children have all, to some extent, had mental health problems and I've tried to do my best to help them. My eldest daughter, in addition to the above problems and several suicide attempts, is much healthier mentally, but suffers from ME, although she doesn't live at home. My younger daughter, the only one still at home, is currently unable to work and also suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. My husband runs his own business and I help him out to a certain extent. I would love to return to full time employment, but I seem to have picked the wrong time in which to graduate!

Return to higher education as a mature student

I returned to study with the Open University at the age of 50. I was initially nervous and not very confident, but gradually became aware of what I could achieve and eventually went on to study for a Masters on a campus university.

Mental health problems in the family

All 4 of my children have had or are suffering with mental health problems. My two daughters have both attempted suicide on more than one occasion, and my younger one has also self-harmed. When we were first aware of the extent of my eldest daughter's problems it caused huge problems within the family and between my husband and myself; I even felt suicidal at times and believed (probably still believe to a certain extent) that I have failed as a mother. However I seem to have found strength from somewhere and am still here today. Life may not be perfect, but it used to be far worse.

Mother Daughter relationship problems

From a very young age I was aware that I didn't really get on well with my mother and was more of a 'daddy's girl'. My mother used to annoy me for various reasons and my sister and I were both extremely critical of her and her ways. However after the major problems we suffered with our children, my eldest son persuaded me to have a proper heart-to-heart with my mother. I didn't feel able to tell her everything as I thought it would be too hurtful, but I explained that I'd always felt second best and that I was never good enough. (She always made it clear that she wanted a son and wasn't prepared for a daughter. She didn't even have a name ready for me when I was born.) We really cleared the air and are now extremely close. However my sister (who has no children herself) is still extremely judgemental and will have nothing to do with my mother, so I have nobody else to share any of my mothers problems with. My mum is now 83 years old and becoming more arthritic.

When I was struggling with my childrens' problems I badly needed to talk to whoever would listen. My husband and I had relationship counselling, but were never able to concentrate on ourselves because we were so absorbed with the childrens' problems and how they impacted on our personal lives. However I have a few very good friends and they were always prepared to listen to me, even if they were not able to offer practical solutions. I think it is extremely useful to be able to help others who may be struggling with issues that you've experienced. No everybody can afford to pay for counselling and therapy and knowing somebody else has struggled with similar problems and come out the other side can be therapeutic in itself, especially if you are able to offer the benefit of your experience to others.

Groups you have created.