I think ive always been over sensitive, always cautious of what people think of me. I think that maybe this stems from always trying to impress my Dad. He was always so negative,
for example: I remember one day me and my sisters spent the whole day cleaning the back garden. We were so impressed and wheeled my Dad out so we could show him all that we had done. All he went on about were the things we hadnt done. Thanks Dad!
Between my sisters, i always feel that i have to agree with whatever they say, maybe so that they will like me? i dont know. I always try to keep the peace with all my family.
This carried on into school and i never really felt like i fitted in anywhere. Friends would always be horrible, go off and leave me.
Then into work, i seem to always be the vulnerable person, the one that bullys know they can psychologically pick on. Grrr it makes me so mad but i really dont know how to change it.
At the moment, i have a really lovely job that i enjoy. Everyone is so great to me there and my confidence has grown. Unfortunatly, this isnt very secure at the moment, but i am keeping my fingers crossed.

The next big thing that happened in my life was when i was 13.
I had a friend who lived next door to me and i got on really well with his parents, and so did mine. I would babysit for their daughter and so would my sisters occasionally.
Unfortunatly my friends dad had other things on his mind and some stuff happened. It wasnt really bad thank god and i wont go into detail on here.
The hardest thing for me i think was that i really didnt know it was wrong at the time, i didnt really understand what was happening, or what it meant.
After a while it played on my mind and i told my older sister about it, who told me to stay away.
Also i was on a bullying website talking to this girl and she had told me her story about her life and in it she mentioned that something had happened to her. So...i tell her whats been happening to me.
The next thing i know i have an email from a lady from the bullying website saying that the email i sent had been forwarded on to her and she had sent a copy to the police and social services.
As you can imagine i was terrified! the first thing that came into my head was that i was going to be taken away from my Mum. Im not sure why, i guess i had only heard about bad things from social services.
Im not sure how long it took them to come round but they did. It was horrible!
I had to explain to both my parents what had been happening.
To cut a long story short, i didnt press charges.
My dad was so ill at the time, he was having fits due to stress, whilst fitting he would describe what he would do to this man.
Anyway, it was my word against this mans and i new i didnt stand a chance so i left it. The man outright denied it, it was such a horrible time for me.
Thankfully we moved house 1 year later. Some days i feel that maybe it was a big mistake and he didnt know what he was doing, and then i realise that im being stupid and trying to make excuses.
I think the thing that bothered me the most out of everything, was that i completly trusted this man and he took advantage of that.
I still see him around where i live, unfortunatly alot lately, but i am learning to cope with it.
The past is the past and we cannot change it, it makes us stronger and who we are today.