Gordon Ramsay's mother talks about domestic abuse and why she is supporting the work of Women's Aid

When I think back to how my life was when my eldest son, Gordon Ramsay Jnr was born, I can’t help but think how lucky I am to be in the position that I am now, safe and secure in a happy marriage and able to use my experiences to help other women who are suffering at the hands of an abusive partner.

Gordon was my second child with my first husband, who was also called Gordon. I was married to Gordon for 22 years, during which time he savagely abused me on a regular basis. When we first met at a dance in Glasgow, I had no reason to suspect that Gordon, who at the time seemed like such a well-presented, polite man, would ever cause so much pain and destruction, or have such a devastating effect on the lives of myself and my children.

It wasn't until after we were married that the violence began. The first time it happened it shocked me to the core. Gordon had come home late from a night out with his workmates, dragged me out of bed and slapped me hard around the face. When he realised how upset he had made me he kept saying over and over how sorry he was - that he hadn't meant to hurt me and that he'd never do it again. Sadly, that wasn't the last time I’d hear that promise.

When Gordon Jnr was born my self-esteem was at an all-time low and the constant bullying had left me feeling drained and worthless. Over the years I had been conditioned to think that the violence was my fault and that I deserved it. I was too scared to leave and instead put all my efforts into keeping the house in order and protecting the children as best I could. This wasn't always possible though and all four children, including Gordon, bore the brunt of his violence at some time. I can't imagine the effect that it must have had on them.

I finally managed to break free from the marriage when I fled to a refuge after my ex-husband poured a cup of scalding hot milk over me. I stayed in the refuge with my daughters until it was safe to move back into the family home. Thankfully my time in the refuge had given me the strength to leave my ex-husband for good, and I was finally able to get on with my life without having to be constantly looking over my shoulder.

Looking back, I wish that I had got out sooner, but I know that when you’re trapped in a violent relationship that is far easier said than done. That is why the ACT- until women and children are safe campaign from Women’s Aid is so important. They are working to remove the stigma around being a victim of domestic violence, to make it easier for women to speak out and break free from abusive relationships. With your help we can ensure that no other families have to go through what my children and I endured.

Thank you.

Helen

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